I don’t know what is going on, but I have really been struggling the last few days. Just a few short weeks ago, I was feeling great and now I feel like a pile of human garbage. Insidious thoughts of hitting the bottle are at the periphery of my mind.
So, I’ve got to get back to basics. I am going to start by doing quick daily affirmations and gratitude journaling from now until…I feel better…or maybe at least until my Sober Anniversary October 25.
Everything you want to be is already there.
For me its important to know that nothing is impossible. Some days, like today, I don’t feel confident or capable, but I have to remember that this is temporary and I don’t have to resign myself to feeling this way forever. I need to feel my feelings and move on- no more over analyzing and obsessing.
Today, I am grateful for me. I am who I am. I am not perfect- even though I try too hard to be- but I am me. I may not mean that much to everybody, but for a few people- like my family- who love me like crazy- I mean a whole hell of a lot. To them- I am perfect, just the way I am.
I will try harder to see myself the way these precious few see me- the way my middle daughter sees me. That girl loves me like crazy- she’s a daddy’s girl- in her eyes I can do no wrong. Her love is fierce and unconditional. I want to love myself a little bit more like the way she loves me- unafraid, unapologetic. I am me because of this love.
Yeah, I have work to do on myself. But its not impossible and I will get there, but today- I am grateful to be me.